Attention, COPRHSJWSRC members:

It is my sad duty to inform you that as of today, July 2nd, 2010, The City of Philadelphia Rush Hour Screaming Joggers With Smoldering Rucksacks Club will cease operations. This is for our own safety, as I'm sure you can understand. It's unfortunate. For the past 25 years, members of the COPRHSJWSRC have enjoyed jogging through Philadelphia rush hour pedestrian traffic while screaming and lugging smoldering rucksacks, for both fitness and fun, and it is sad to think that the actions of a few bad apples would make this wonderful past-time seem suspicious in any way. The tragic results of yesterday's annual Scream 'n' Lug made the decision to disband the COPRHSJWSRC a foregone conclusion. Some of you have dissented, insisting that we can continue as a club if we merely stop screaming as we jog while lugging smoldering rucksacks. Still others have pointed out that it's the smoldering we need to eliminate - that non-smoldering rucksacks would serve us just as well. And a vocal few have argued that the mere presence of rucksacks at all is the issue. Let me be clear. With the COPRHSJWSRC, it's always been all or nothing. For us to honor our club's history, and for us to achieve the full satisfaction and joy that we have always striven for, it is pertinent that our jogging be:

a) during rush hour

b) while screaming

c) and carrying rucksacks which are:

d) smoldering.

That's it. Until we can safely resume the activity for which our club is named, in its totality, we shall cease any and all club activity. I am truly sorry, and I wish all COPRHSJWSRC a happy and healthy remainder of the summer.

Sincerely,
Dan Cleets III
President, City of Philadelphia Rush Hour Screaming Joggers With Smoldering Rucksacks Club

P.S. This Sunday, I will be having a few COPRHSJWSRC members over for an informal smolder seminar, exploring what materials produce a good, long lasting smolder in a rucksack and so forth.

P.P.S. From now on, let's call them backpacks.

(special thanks to Dom for brainstorming up that fake name for me)