A bear is nothing but a tiger thrown in amongst conifers and made to appreciate a more spartan wardrobe.



But then i'm no zoologist . . . which should explain my lack of worthwhile college education, string of low paying jobs and the fact that I *still* don't have access to the most exotic (and, hence, delicious) animals that the metro Philadelphia area has to offer.

I went to the zoo. Once. Gorillas sat motionless just out of view (or so I was made to believe) and the goats of the petting zoo area had an unhealthy fixation on my crotch area when I ran out of the bountiful corn/other crap mixture that flowed forth from a modified gumball machine.

I attempted to cure the wry goats by filling my hands with dirt, pretending to get more 'goat feed' and then dumping the dirt in their mouths when they came to beg and bleat.

I taught them.