Serious Bike for Serious Children.

For Serious Use Only:

-Should child smile, or begin to smile brakes will engage until such time as the smile recedes
-Child must be under direct adult supervision at all times
-Child must wear full spandex bib with no chamois
-Suggested for hillclimbs such as the Manayunk Wall or Lombard St.
-Suggested use for commutes to dentist, Sunday/Hebrew School, violin lessons, and trips to weird Aunt Patty's only

Warranty is void if:

-Bike is stored without kickstand extended (i.e. "leaning against the wall")
-Top tube cushion is defaced with marker and/or stickers
-tassles attached to handlebar grips (may cause bike to explode)

Warning:
-The souls of those parent of child has wronged in the past will be released upon depressing presta valve on tires.
-Upon release said souls will torment and haunt child until young adulthood. Serious Bikes, Inc. takes no responsibility for a life of lost potential, psychological maladjustment, and blurred vision inflicted upon child.