Lit Crit

A few semesters back I had to look for some critical articles on Ted Hughes' "Pike" and "Flounders" and the first website match I got was for goddamn penis enlargement pills . . . should I have included that in my paper?

I think it might have made a really interesting argument that despite his macho, brooding exterior he's really just some asshole pseudo-intellectual poet limp-dicked creaseface.

"What is a poet? All balls, no cock", to quote my main soul brother Q-Tip from the song "What?" off of the seminal, semenal, Secinol, seasonal album "The Low End Theory". I don't know what that line means. Or why Q-Tip, a serial rhymer, would say such a thing.

I think it's important to remember that Q-Tip also questions, in the very same song:

"What is a liquor if it ain't 80 proof?" -clearly the answer on that is schnapps, chocolate based sludge or some sort of triple sec derivative.

"What's an MC if he doesn't have stamina?" -the answer here is Ma$e, who likes to retire almost as much as Master P . . . or Biggie, Eazy or Pac, all of whom can't help but die all the fucking time . . . or Dee Dee Ramone or "Macho Man" Randy Savage (who released probably the two single worst rap CDs of all time).

and finally

"What's America without greed and glamour?" -which is, du-motherfucking-uh, Canada

So clearly he's asking the wrong questions. In the wrong way. To the wrong people. At the wrong time.

Wrongly.

What would be my penal cord if it wasn't brown?