XOXO!

It took me a while to figure out that when a woman signs an e-mail XOXO, she doesn't literally mean that she wants to hug and kiss you. I used to think that somehow, communicating over the internet had suddenly made all of the females I was corresponding with all hot and heavy. I'd catch myself thinking "Holy cow, all I did was ask her for the number of that headshot dude, and she wants to kiss, hug, then kiss, then hug, then kiss me again! And then hug! Amazing!"
I got into fairly frequent trouble by misconstruing their intentions. Here are some real* exchanges from the past few years that I refer to every time I need to remind myself not to take the XOXOXO stuff so literally. I've changed all of the names to ‘Jessica’ in order to protect the fictionally innocent:

ONE
Ian,
Thanks for putting me up in your show last night, it was fun! Seeya around.
XOXOXO,
Jessica
--
Jessica,
No problem, you were very funny! I’ll get you back up in a couple of months. Be well.
XO and I am cupping your left breast,
Ian

TWO
Ian,
Have you ever rented theater space from The Shubin? I’m trying to find a room for my one woman show, and I think someone mentioned that you’d done shows there once. Any info would be appreciated!
XOXO,
Jessica
--
Jessica,
Yes indeed, I did my first one a few years back. They’re good people. I have their contact info at my office and I’ll forward it to you tomorrow!
Gonna throw it in ya,
Ian

THREE
Ian,
Your father and I are looking forward to your visit this weekend! Give him a call at the office when you know what train you’re going to be on.
XOXO,
Jessica
--
Jessica,
Me too! Can we have lasagna? I think the train should get there at 7ish, but I’ll give Dad a call like you said.
Two in the pink and one in the stink,
Ian
*not real